Give Peace A Chance, Please!

Now I can write

2009-11-10T23:34:00.000-08:00

Friends, I enjoyed, rejoiced and celebrated HE in a way that is still giving me the chills. I felt so much love and I was able to return that love. I will always be grateful. I could feel you all with me and if love were a color this house would still saturated.

Thank you all for your presence in my life. Thank you, thank you.

Oh, and FYI if I haven't told you already Dr. Kimball says passing should be very gentle, that my heart till just stop. I feel comforted by that fact.

Love you all and I'll try to write more tomorrow.

Love, R

Grace

2009-11-10T08:59:00.000-08:00

I believe that I am living in a state of grace at this moment. I could write pages on how this feels and how it affects my perception but I am far too inarticulate to give it justice. My spirit feels so light and blessed. Thank you all for everything.

Tonight's HE will be glorious and I hope you will all join me in spirit.

Love, Roseann

ps to Doug, Gary has the tiger for you.

Holy Eucharist

2009-11-09T09:23:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow night at 6 I will be blessed to have my last eucharist before I'm given final rights. I am so happy and excited about this. It looks like we'll have over 100 people here which means our tiny house will have to use front porch overflow. I can't wait to celebrate with people I love. Sharing the body and blood is the ultimate meal of love. I can't begin to explain the peace and love of God surrounding me and Gary. You are all a part of that. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love, Roseann

Hey Doug

2009-11-08T03:39:00.000-08:00

Please call me. Love, R

11/10 6 pm cst

2009-11-08T03:32:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday night Teri is bringing a group of people from St Pete's to celebrate Eucharist with me. I would like as many of you as can celebrate with us where ever you are. Right now I feel okay, weak and tired but okay. I don't know how things will progress so I am taking advantage of every lucid moment when I feel like company. There were almost too many people today but it was all good. It is a really holy moment when you can look someone in the eye and thank them for their love, support and place in your life. Please imagine in your mind's eye that I am doing that with you right now.

Love, Roseann

Hello friends

2009-10-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been lax in posting but I haven't felt good lately. Gary has to have surgery again on Monday and fortunately we have family here to help us. Our church family has been great too. We got a huge basket of food all homemade to get us through this latest crisis. I'll be starting physical therapy soon so hopefully I'll be gaining muscle strength.

Thanks for all the prayers and kind words. You're all in my prayers. Love, Roseann

Surgery

2009-10-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

On Monday the 12th, I will have vein graft surgery. This is being done for dialysis purposes. I don't want to do it, there is significant risk of bleeding and clotting, but my doc is insisting. With the catheter I have now the risk of infection is great. It is not a matter of IF and infection but WHEN. So what's a girl to do.

Biggest Asshat

2009-09-14T13:15:00.001-07:00

Who is the biggest asshat? Kanye West, Serena Williams or Rep. Joe Wilson. Vote here!

What you're likely to see at a Razorback tailgate party

2009-09-08T07:08:00.001-07:00

2009-09-07T13:53:00.001-07:00

Comment on a YouTube video of Jimi Hendrix playing Voodoo Child at Woodstock: I have to see this guy live, any idea if he is touring the UK again any time soon? hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Church

2009-09-06T11:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I made it through the sermon and then I had to leave. My body is so fragile that sitting in the wooden pew was killing me, I hurt all over. Next time I will take some pillows. It was also very, very emotional for me. When I first got there I walked through the columbarium and saw the markers for my friends who had died since I'd last been there. One of them really touched me and brought me to tears. Dr. Dickey Hendrickson always wore bow ties and his marker had his name, the dates and a bow tie on it. For some reason that just got all over me and I burst into tears. Then I saw my friend in the Narthex who is fighting ovarian cancer. It has spread to her liver and her brain but she was smiling and happy to see me. We laughed at how skinny we both are now. We both used to be pretty hefty girls. She is a nuclear physicist who helped with the cleanup at Chernobyl which is probably where she got cancer. A hero and I admire her so much.

So, it was good and just okay. I cried all the way home. My emotions were just overflowing for so many reasons. Terri is a good preacher and I can't wait to hear her again.

I love you all and pray for you daily. Love, R

2009-09-05T13:24:00.000-07:00

Just stuff

2009-09-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my priest Terri came to visit. I like her so much. She is easy to talk to and I can be just totally open and honest. Like when she told me someone asked her to ask me if they could come visit and I said no. The person is an energy vampire and I can't handle her right now, or probably ever. Terri actually giggled when I said no. I shared an experience I'd had with the woman and she understood. Sometimes you have to forgive people and then keep them as far away as possible.

I'm going to go to church Sunday. My friend Kim is meeting me in the Narthex at 10:15 and she promised she would stop people from trying to hug me. Don't get me wrong, I love hugs, it is just that I'm a little fragile right now and bruise easily. I'm very excited to be going to church. Terri said she expected a rather low turnout being a holiday weekend but I wouldn't care if it was just me and Kim.

Razorback opening game is tomorrow. Go Hogs!

I'm from Arkansas

2009-09-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

MP and friends... here's a song about me.

RIP Sister Marie Knight

2009-09-01T06:09:00.001-07:00

Is it worth discussing?

2009-08-30T05:13:00.000-07:00

I've always heard the axiom to never discuss politics or religion. This is law in my family and I believe it is because they absolutely can not justify their positions on anything. They can regurgitate what they hear from their pastors or talk radio but they can not cogently express themselves as to why they believe what they believe.

I like wild unfettered and opinionated debate. I want you to put up or shut up. Give me some facts. Do your dead level best to persuade me because that is what I'm going to do to you. I expect dignity and respect to go along with spirited debated unless you act like a donkey and then I'll tell you you're an ass.

To just avoid conversation or even confrontation is just cowardice. What does it say in scripture about spitting out the lukewarm? That's how I feel about it.

For MP Fortunate Son

2009-08-29T07:28:00.001-07:00

One step back

2009-08-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

I was starting to feel kind of good. I was able to go visit some friends and do some cooking and stuff around the house. Then this morning I woke up all swollen from the neck up. My dialysis nurses had no idea what was causing it and gave me a laundry list of possibilities... allergies, drug interactions, etc.

This is what wears me down the most. I start to feel better and then I get kicked in the head again. I think God is pissed at me.

The Wiener Mobile

2009-08-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

I just saw a picture of the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile on MP's blog. There are a few things that make me laugh out loud every single time I see them and the wiener mobile is one of them. In my perfect world everyone drives a vehicle that looks like some sort of lunch meat or vegetable. Sports cars would be lunch meats. Big, comfortable sedans would be vegetables. Prius and Smart Cars would be baby patty pan squash.

I think I've had too many drugs this morning.

Oh no! http://www.tmz.com/2009/07/18/oscar-meyer-weinermobile-crash/

Pat from Benton

2009-08-24T10:47:00.000-07:00

If you're out there please get in touch. I miss you.

Happy Sunday y'all

2009-08-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to feel like a human bean again. Yesterday I cleaned the kitchen and today I'm doing a little laundry. I can't get the wet stuff out of the washer and into the dryer so Gary will have to do that part. I'm not coughing as much and my appetite is strong.

My dear friend and evil twin Sue's brother is a little better. Isn't prayer a wonderful thing. I believe in the concept of inter-being. We're all connected with all of creation and when we put forth healing, positive energy it works. There are all kinds of healings and I know we don't see all of them on this earth but I believe with all my heart that they happen.

More Saturday ramblings

2009-08-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

Once a year I buy Vogue magazine. The September issue aka The Book. This year, in deference to the economy I suppose, the book is about 200 pages less than last years. The fashion artistry is just beautiful. Of course, some of it is ridiculous like the 8 inch high heels. That is not fashion that is fetish. My favorite editorial was the current looks that are reminiscent of the 1940s. It is a wonderful reinterpretation of that glamour. Even in the wars years the women did so much to look sharp and put together. My mom told me they used to draw lines up the backs of their legs so it would look like they were wearing stockings.

I love art of all types. I so admire people who can write a poem, paint a picture, carve sculpture and create beautiful meals. I am a pretty good cook. I have my specialties and I've had some failures that were just astronomical. I like to watch the cooking competition shows on Food Network. Th cake and sugar artistry just blows me away. I'm also a big fan of Top Chef and Iron Chef American. Kind of crazy to watch people make this fabulous food you can't taste or smell but they are artists and masters at work.

Random thoughts about today

2009-08-22T06:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my priest called just to see how I was doing. She's coming to see me next week to bring me communion. I know St Peter's is not as big as the cathedral but they also have a much smaller staff who seem to get more done in the the area of pastoral care. I guess it is a matter of priorities.

I want to go to the art store and but a zillion new colored pencils. I know it is kind of goofy for a 55 year old woman to be coloring in coloring books but they are quite beautiful and it is so relaxing. My artistic talents are very limited. I can't draw a stick figure but I seem to be pretty good at mixing colors and letting beautiful patterns evolve. Oh, and I can stay in the lines.

My brother and his wife came to see me yesterday. His wife is pretty fired up that I can't get any help around the house. Housekeepers here want anywhere from $50 to $75 an hour. I will admit I think housekeeping is worth that but I can't afford it. She's going to try to pull something out of her bag of tricks to get me some help. You can't get any assistance paid by Medicare or Medicaid unless you're 65 or over. Doesn't matter how sick you are, that is the arbitrary cut off point.

Home again

2009-08-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

I just got home from the hospital and man oh man am I glad to be here! I'm up on my couch nesting with the wiener dogs. I still have some congestion in my lungs but Dr Kimball loaded me up with drugs and inhalers and everything I need to get rid of this crud. Great news, the feeding tube is removed. I'm FREE again! ha!

My new priest at St. Peter's came to see me twice and I really like her a lot. We had an instant and deep ability to communicate and I feel like I can trust her.

Thanks everyone for the prayers and emails. They mean so much. Love, R

2009-08-14T09:57:00.001-07:00

You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. - Quentin Crisp

2009-08-14T08:16:00.000-07:00

The good news is the vein study went well. It hurt like a bitch but at least everything was okay. The bad news is I have bronchitis and an hardly breathe. Story of my life. One step forward and one step back.

A wonderful thing

2009-08-10T09:36:00.000-07:00

I got home from dialysis this morning and I was feeling pretty sick to my stomach and in a bad funk. Tomorrow I have to go have the vein study and I'm a bit worked up about it. So I was just sitting around feeling rather sorry when I got a wonderful phone call.

I told you all that I had transferred our membership back to St. Peter's. I was confirmed there, my husband was confirmed there and we were married there. It is my one real church home. The people there love me warts and all. And I love them.

So, the phone rings and it is the priest at St. Peter's. She is coming to see me next week and bringing me communion. I am just so very happy about that!!!

There's nothing like a silly wiener dog to cheer you up

2009-08-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

Thank you

2009-08-07T11:33:00.000-07:00

Thank you for the prayers and kind words. I don't know what brought on this spell of darkness. Maybe I'm just tired. I'm doing my best though and I'm sure I'll be back to my wacky self soon.

Love and prayers for all, Roseann

It is dark today

2009-08-06T06:51:00.001-07:00

It is dark in my soul today.

Drive Bobby McFerrin

2009-08-05T18:15:00.001-07:00

Dialysis fun

2009-08-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

Dialysis isn't bad. It doesn't hurt and the worst thing about it is you get freezing cold during the process. I take it back, the worst thing about it is if you aren't asleep you get bored to tears. I can lie still, hooked up to the feeding tube for 8 to 10 hours a day and I'm fine. I'm in my nest with my wiener dogs and satanic kitties. I can color mandalas, read, play on my computer and sometimes watch a little TV. The good thing is my dialysis center is a nice place with friendly, professional people working there.

Probably the hardest thing about dialysis is occasionally there will be a patient who is a little out of their mind. They tend to talk to Jesus in a very loud voice. I wish that Jesus would tell them to talk a little softer but so far he's keeping out of it. Finally one day I just couldn't take it anymore and I told the woman, who was in the bed next to me, that I had just talked to Jesus and he wanted her to go to sleep now. It worked. She calmed right down and went off to sleep. I hope Jesus doesn't mind that I spoke for him.

You ate what?

2009-08-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

Food, glorious food. One of the few advantages of my condition is they want me to get as many calories in as possible. The anti-diet. So this morning I had a Butterfinger for my pre-breakfast snack. Damn good. I also totally get the Hobbit's concept of second breakfast. Somedays I just can't eat but when I can I really pack it in.

I love you all and you're in my prayers, Roseann

p.s. John Dawid rocks like a big dog!!

Oh, honey! What's wrong?

2009-08-03T09:21:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you, when in my state the first words you hear in the morning from your beloved are, "Oh honey! What's wrong?" it is most disconcerting. My head and neck were swollen like never before. I didn't just look like a chipmunk on crack, I looked like a herd of chipmunks on crack.

I went to dialysis and they took one look at me and wanted to send me to the ER but since I could breathe okay they went ahead and hooked me up. 3.5 liters of fluid later the swelling had gone down significantly. My nephrologist, the amazing Dr. Kimball decided to set me up for a veinogram so they can determine if there is some sort of blockage with the catheter going into my heart. I'll have this procedure done on Thursday.

In the meantime I kind of look like Cartman, so respect my authoritie!

Love and prayers to you all, Roseann

Reefer Man

2009-08-02T17:10:00.000-07:00

Grillades and Grits

2009-08-01T13:15:00.000-07:00

I've heard this was a breakfast dish made for the men before they went out hunting. I serve it at brunches, well when I had brunches and often for dinner. It is Creole at its finest. And make the grits! Even if you think you don't like them make some creamy white grits. Quick grits are okay instant grits are not.

Grillades & Grits Recipe

2 lbs Round Steak
2 teaspoons Kosher Salt
¼ teaspoon Cayenne Pepper
½ Cup A.P. Flour
1.4 tspn pepper

1 tspn dried thyme

4 tbls unsalted butter
1 Medium Onions, Chopped
1 Bell Pepper, Chopped
2 Ribs Celery, Chopped
2 Cloves Garlic, Minced
2 Cups Beef Stock
3 Tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
2 Cups Tomatoes, Chopped or 1 14.5 ounce can

Salt & Pepper to taste
1 Recipe of Grits made according to the Package Instructions

Pound the Round Steak on both sides to about ½ inch thickness, then cut into 4 inch squares. Season the Grillades with the salt & pepper. Combine the flour, cayenne pepper and thyme then dip the Grillades one at a time into the seasoned flour and shake off any excess. In a cast iron dutch oven, heat 2 tbl butter over medium heat until very hot, but not smoking. Brown the Grillades well on both sides without burning. Transfer the Grillades to a plate. Melt the remaining butter over medium heat. Add the Onions, Bell Pepper, Celery, and Garlic and, stirring frequently, cook until the vegetables are soft but not brown. Add the remaining flour to the vegetables and stir for a few minutes to remove the floury taste. Stir in the Beef Stock, Worcestershire, Tomatoes; bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium-low. Return the Grillades and the accumulated juice from the plate back to the pot. Submerge the Grillades in the sauce and simmer for about 1 to 1 ½ hours or until they are very tender.

Serve over grits.

Gillaades is pronounced GREE-ahdes.

Daily Meditation

2009-07-29T11:37:00.000-07:00

I am Resurrection and I am Life, says the Lord.
Whoever has faith in me shall have life,
even though he die.
And everyone who has life,
and has committed himself to me in faith,
shall not die for ever.

As for me, I know that my Redeemer lives
and that at the last he will stand upon the earth.
After my awaking, he will raise me up;
and in my body I shall see God.
I myself shall see, and my eyes behold him
who is my friend and not a stranger.

For none of us has life in himself,
and none becomes his own master when he dies.
For if we have life, we are alive in the Lord,
and if we die, we die in the Lord.
So, then, whether we live or die,
we are the Lord's possession.

I've been meditating on these words. I guess when death seems to be sitting in the room with you, watching and waiting, these are good words to drive away any fear. Whether I live or die, I am the Lord's possession.

Happy, happy, joy, joy

2009-07-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

I woke up happy today. No special reason. My life is shit but I'm funky.

Jumpin' Jive

2009-07-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

Well, it is done

2009-07-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with St. Peter's, my old home parish, and they are just thrilled that Gary and I want to move our membership back. I talked to a lady named Beth and I could feel the smile in her voice. I told her I had no expectations of pastoral care since I live so far away but the priest does come down to Little Rock to visit people in the hospital and will come by to see me.

I have tears in my eyes right now. Going home, even when I can't be there physically, feels so good.

St. Peter's is the place where I really learned what it meant to be in relationship with God. I was allowed to explore my faith, ask questions, get answers, get no answers, and be involved in ministry. If I saw a need that I thought St. Peter's could respond to I didn't have to go through a million committees. All I had to do was go to the priest with my plan and I was sent off to respond with blessings and support.

I always had a deep response to John 20:21 Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you."

I hope that doesn't sound arrogant because I certainly don't think I'm anything special. It has always resonated deeply with me that we are to love one another and love is action. Sometimes still quiet action and sometimes bold action.

Cats

2009-07-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

Cat people, please don't hate me for this but I've decided I'm just not a cat person. I have two cats, Lucy who is 16 and Skitter who is 14. They have decided to make my life even more miserable. They yak up something everyday and not in one place. Oh no, they have to yak in 3 or 4 different spots. And Lucy has decided she doesn't want to poop in the litter box. Near it, just not in it. I think they hate me.

Wiener dogs love me and hang out with me and don't yak and do their business where they are supposed to. They are relentless beggars if I have food but they love me even if I don't.

Dogs rule.

Bless you my friends

2009-07-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the nice comments. I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear from you. I spend most of my time hooked up to machines and I get really lonely, especially when Gary is at work.

Saturday night two of my best friends came to town for a movie and they stopped by Whole Foods to check in with Gary and see how we're both doing. He wanted to go to Conway on Sunday afternoon to visit but I just couldn't do it. Sometimes when I wake up I look like a chipmunk on crack LOL! My cheeks and eyes swell up from excess fluid. Not that I'm vain (ahem) but who wants to go out in public looking like that?

One day this journey will end. For good or not, it will end. The wheel always turns and life goes on to its inevitable conclusion. In the mean time I just try to take each day as it comes and do what I can to feel some sense of normalcy.

Last night I made a squash casserole that is awesome. Gary at 1/2 of it! Here's the recipe.

4 cups sliced yellow squash

1/2 cup chopped onion or shallot

Put the squash and onion in a pan with 2 inches of water and steam for 10 minutes. Drain well.

Crush 35 Ritz-type crackers and mix with 1 cup of shredded cheddar cheese.

Put the squash/onion mixture in a large bowl and add 1/2 the cracker crumb mixture.

In a small bowl mix 3/4 cup milk, 2 eggs and 1/4 cup melted butter. Add to squash mixture.

Spread in a 9x13 pan and top with the rest of the cracker crumb mixture.

Bake at 400 for 25 minutes.

Enjoy!

Love you all and you're in my prayers always, Roseann

Comfort food

2009-07-26T08:13:00.001-07:00

I love soup. It is the ultimate comfort food for me. Here's a recipe for Cauliflower soup. It is easy and very yummy.

Chop up a head of cauliflower and cook it in chicken broth with a little salt and pepper. Then blend it up using a hand blender or a regular blender. Make sure you get it smooth and silky. If you use a regular blender be very careful! Hold the lid on with a towel so it doesn't send hot stuff all over you and your kitchen. Stir in shredded cheddar cheese and about a 1/2 cup of cream. It is real comfort food.

Just rolling along

2009-07-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

I spend about 6 hours each day connected to a feeding tube. Boring? There are no words for how boring it is! I find ways to stay mentally stimulated. Coloring mandalas helps me so much. My mind empties of all the worries and I feel the Holy Spirit guiding me and comforting me. I read a lot. Some trash novels... a little mind candy never hurt anyone. I'm also reading Jane Redmont's book which I highly recommend to everyone. I pray for everyone on the MP prayer list and for my family and friends. I play goofy games on Facebook. Sometimes I watch TV. I love Deadliest Catch and Whale Wars. Last night I watched a show about Robert Louis Stevenson and how he researched Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Then I watched a bizarre show about vampires and these pitiful people who think they really are vampires.

I'm having trouble with my arms again. The blood flow in my upper body is inadequate because of the dialysis catheter. Sometimes they hurt so bad that I have to take a pain pill. I don't like being in a drug fog so I tough it out as much as I can.

Yesterday I managed to make a yummy pot roast with vegetables. When Gary got home from work the house was filled with delicious cooking smells and that made him so happy. Making him happy is high on my list of things to do. I'm gaining more energy because I'm getting more nutrition so I do what I can to help. I'm able to help with laundry now, folding and hanging. Just being able to do that little bit to help him makes us both feel good.

I've decided to transfer my membership to my old home parish. It is 30 miles away and who knows when I'll be able to get there. I feel so abandoned by my current parish. Not one clergy has called, emailed or visited much less bring me communion. It is a bad fit for me so it is time to make a move.

I love you all and you're in my prayers.

Love, Roseann

Night terrors

2009-07-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

I was a little late hooking up the feeding tube yesterday so I slept on the couch so I could get al the nutrition in. In the middle of the night the alarm indicating the bag was empty went off. It was like an air raid siren and scared the living daylights out of me! I yelled for Gary, "help me! help me!" and scared the living daylights out of him too. If I had just turned around I would have known what to do but I was asleep damnit and it scared me! LOL!

Ah, life in the fast lane surely make you lose your mind.

Thunder and rain

2009-07-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite types of days. Thunder, rain, nothing violent like strong winds, hail or tornados. Just that sound of the rain with occasional rumblings. This is a day when I can relax and read and color mandalas.

Mandalas, from the Sanskrit word for circle, are a Hindu and Buddhist symbol that represents the universe and its energy. I use them for meditative purposes by coloring them with my colored pencils. I lose my self in the patterns and colors. I don't make decisions just reach into my bag of pencils and let it happen.

Let it happen is where my energy is taking me. Everything has been so up and down, 1 step forward then 2 back. I have no control, no say so over what is happening. I dont know where this journey is leading me or where I will end up. I love God and I trust in God, not that I know for sure what that means.

Broken heart

2009-07-19T14:40:00.001-07:00

My arms are swelling again. I had a good day yesterday and today I am in a lot of pain. Mostly my heart is breaking for Gary. When will this suffering end?

Feeling better

2009-07-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a wild week. I went to dialysis Mon, Tues, Wed, Fri and I'm feeling a little better now. On Tues I was transfused with 2 pints of blood. A person waiting, hoping for a kidney transplant never wants a transfusion because it builds up antibodies in your blood that make it harder to find a donor. However, being so anemic you can't walk across a room is not desirable either.

I saw my nephrologist today and he told me how worried he had been earlier this week. He's a good guy who really cares about his patients. The swelling in my arms has gone down about 75% and he expects the rest will go by the end of next week. I just keep on keepin' on.

Names I wish I had never heard:

Perez Hilton

Paris Hilton

Brittany Spears

Jessica Simpson

I just hate it that I know anything at all about those people!

Update

2009-07-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm on another roller coaster ride. My blood pressure has dropped so low that dialysis isn't working. My arms are swollen to twice their size and I'm having respiratory and heart issues. I'm going to have another dialysis tomorrow where they just pull off fluid. My nephrologist is really concerned but being at home makes me feel better than being in the hospital. Gary is having a hard time with all this because I keep spiraling downward. Please keep him in your prayers.

Pain and frustration

2009-07-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

Friends, I know this journey of mine is a boring tale. It bores me for sure. It has been almost 2 years since I got so sick and during that time it has been more ups and downs than a roller coaster. I try not to give in to self pity and I try almost every day to be positive and work at wellness. I say almost every day because some days I stay in bed with the covers over my head and whine and cry and ask God why me over and over.

There is something that happens often that I want to share. When I am most afraid, frustrated and in pain, at some point I am overwhelmed with peace. I have these moments of grace that keep me going one more day. Sometimes it is minute by minute. I know there are people who pray for me and I believe those prayers overflow in those moments of grace.

I'm not getting better. Physically I don't believe I will heal. Each week seems to bring a new break down of some sort in my body. To be honest, I am ready to shed this flesh. I will when I will though.

Home Dialysis

2009-07-09T10:02:00.001-07:00

I've had some questions about home dialysis and it is not an option for me. First off, I'd have to get rid of my dogs and cats. Second, it is more time consuming in the long run. Most importantly it doesn't clean the blood as well as hemodialysis does.

Are you taking me home now?

2009-07-09T05:56:00.000-07:00

Wednesday was a really bad day. They couldn't get an IV started because of my little tiny roly-poly veins. So they had to put in the new permacath with no sedation. Good husband Gary had a feeling something wouldn't go right so he brought me a double dose of pain med and I was able to sleep through most of dialysis.

Then the real fun began. My blood pressure dropped to 60 over 35. Is that dead? No, but damned close. I couldn't even talk. The had to put in almost as much saline as the fluid they'd removed.

They usually don't let family members stay with you in the dialysis room but they let Gary stay. Frankly I think his being there kept me alive. He held my hand and I could feel his energy. I could also feel prayer. I don't know if anyone was praying for me at that specific moment, I just know I could feel God's presence. At one point I said, "are you taking me home now?" And Gary and the nurse were like, "what?????" I didn't mean to say that out loud.

Good news is I'm home now, drugged sufficiently and full of chicken and dumplings.

Thanks everyone

2009-07-07T13:16:00.000-07:00

Your prayers and kind words mean so much to me. I just don't know what is going to happen but I guess none of us ever do. It is so hard to want to live when I am this sick. I broke down and cried yesterday. I want my mommy, I want to feel good, I want to walk in the grocery store instead of ride the go-cart thing. I want to whine and cry and pitch a fit because that always makes things better, right?

Thanks for listening to me and praying for me. When I get well I'll have a big bar-b-q and you're all invited.

Love, R

Health declining

2009-07-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

I am now having problems with blood clots. I couldn't do dialysis today because of blood clots in my catheter. At least they sent me home from the hospital as there is nothing they can do and I'm more comfortable at home.

Get this book

2009-06-30T01:25:00.000-07:00

When In Doubt, Sing: Prayer in Daily Life by Jane Redmont. This book is so spirit renewing!

I'm riding the health roller coaster again. Had some tests done and should get the results today. Hopefully I won't have to go back to the hospital. I'm having a hard time keeping my chin up right now. Gary has gone back to work which is great. I miss him so much though. Poor baby me, can't stand to be away from him for 8 hours. LOL It is probably really good for him though to be away from me and around healthy people.

How are things?

2009-06-16T05:52:00.000-07:00

Gary is doing very, very well. In fact I'm having a hard time getting him to just relax. I don't want him wiggling around so much while the shoulder is knitting back together. Anyone have a sledge hammer I can borrow? ha!

Yesterday I made his favorite dinner for him. Slow roasted brisket, mashed potatoes, and fried squash. I will share my brisket recipe that my old friend Robert gave me.

Set oven temp to 275

Get at least a 5 lb brisket with the fat cap still on. I've cooked a 9 pounder before for a party but I recommend at least 5 lbs.

Cut a piece of heavy duty foil that is big enough to completely wrap the brisket. Use a pan big enough to hold the brisket once it is ready and sealed up in the foil. If you're doing a really big one you can use a roaster, seal the top with foil and then put on the lid.

Slather the brisket generously with Dijon mustard. Place fat cap side up on the foil. Generously sprinkle the top with kosher salt and black pepper. Chop up 3 or 4 garlic cloves and sprikle them on top. Douse generously with Worcestershire sauce and Soy sauce. Don't be shy, the gravy this makes is just knock out.

Seal the brisket up tightly in the foil. Roast at 275 for one hour per pound. If you use a brisket smaller than 5 lbs roast at least 4 hours.

Your house will slowly be permeated with the most mouth watering aroma!!

Let the brisket rest for 10 to 15 minutes before slicing.

I have one of those fancy gravy pitchers that lets the fat go to the top so you pour just the incredible juice. It is important to leave the fat cap on the brisket before cooking to help make the roast tender. And man oh man is it tender.

I have to eat a lot of red meat to keep my protein levels up. If you don't eat red meat often this is a great recipe for when you want some. Brisket is cheap and you'll love the flavor.

So back to how are things. Being able to cook again is a big deal for me. I still have to sit down a lot or take a break in the middle of cooking so I'm sticking with things I can leave and come back to later. The main thing is I'm getting up and moving around more and more. That is helping my energy level increase.

I've been praying for all of you. It is an honor to do so. I appreciate all the prayers you've sent for me and Gary. God bless you all. Love, R

Gary Update

2009-06-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

I just talked to Gary's surgeon and everything went really well. They put a pain blocker in his shoulder so he didn't have to be put deeply under and he's waking up now. I'll bring him home in about an hour.

Thank you so much everyone for all the prayers. You're the best!

2009-06-11T14:19:00.001-07:00

I went to the grocery store by myself. I've got a nice rolled roast in the oven. I'm tired now but feeling good. I'm kind of anxious about Gary's surgery tomorrow but John D told me he would come down and help me if needed. It is good to have a safety net. It is good to have friends.

3 more weeks

2009-06-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

3 more weeks and I get this feeding tube removed. It has helped and I'm ready for it to be gone!!

2009-06-06T20:09:00.000-07:00

M**le Wp Clarification

2009-06-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

M****le W**p is a sin and an abomination. If you eat it you will spend extra time in purgatory. If you prefer it over Hellman's you will go to hell. That is all.

Hammer Pants Dance

2009-06-06T07:05:00.000-07:00

Mayonnaise

2009-06-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

I was just reading the current issue of Oxford American and there is a recipe for Pimento Cheese. Bad enough that the author uses sage and (gag) yard onions, but to make it truly awful he uses Duke's mayonnaise.

I just want to make this clear. If you must use store bought mayonnaise Hellman's is the only acceptable brand. Anything else is just swill. You might as well use Kraft or (double gag) Miracle Whip.

Blackies Recipe

2009-06-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

These are Gary's favorite Brownies. They're made with dark chocolate cocoa so they come out black instead of brown. They're very rich, buttery and chocolaty. The ultimate! We get our dark chocolate cocoa at Whole Foods. Hershy's makes a dark chocolate cocoa that is available at conventional grocery stores.

Ingredients

10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks) unsalted butter
1 1/4 cups sugar
3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons unsweetened dark chocolate cocoa powder (natural or Dutch-process)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cold large eggs
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
2/3 cup walnut or pecan pieces (optional)

Special equipment: An 8-inch square baking pan

The original recipe said to line the pan with parchment or foil but we found the finished product stuck so we use pan release (PAM) and it works great.

Position a rack in the center of the oven and preheat the oven to 325°F. (Be sure the heat is not over 325)

Combine the butter, sugar, cocoa, and salt in a medium heatproof bowl and set the bowl in a wide skillet of barely simmering water. We just use a regular double-boiler. Stir from time to time until the butter is melted and the mixture is smooth and hot enough that you want to remove your finger fairly quickly after dipping it in to test. Remove the bowl from the skillet and set aside briefly until the mixture is only warm, not hot.

Stir in the vanilla with a wooden spoon. Add the eggs one at a time, stirring vigorously after each one. When the batter looks thick, shiny, and well blended, add the flour and stir until you cannot see it any longer, then beat vigorously for 40 strokes with the wooden spoon or a rubber spatula. Stir in the nuts, if using. Spread evenly in the lined pan.

Bake until a toothpick plunged into the center emerges slightly moist with batter, 20 to 25 minutes. Let cool completely on a rack.

Magnificat King's College Choir

2009-06-01T12:16:00.001-07:00

Gary Update

2009-06-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

Gary's surgery is scheduled for June 12th. Please keep us both in your prayers.

Thanks!

Love, R

2009-05-31T13:36:00.000-07:00

A must read

2009-05-31T12:03:00.000-07:00

http://www.salon.com/opinion/walsh/politics/2009/05/31/george_tiller_murdered/

On the murder of Dr Tiller

Number 200

2009-05-31T10:09:00.000-07:00

This is my 200th post to my blog. Not a lot in the grand scheme of blogging, but a milestone for me.

A wonderful thing happened to me on Facebook yesterday. An old college friend found me and renewing that friendship led to even more college buddies. I've been having such a good time catching up with people. One pal lives on an island in the Gulf of Mexico about 10 miles out from Corpus Christi. Poor guy has to hit the beach every day! It was such a joy to me that he is well and happy.

One thing about catching up with folks you haven't talked to in 25-30 years is you get good and sad news. It is not easy for me to tell people my life is all about getting well at the moment and I'm sure it is not easy for them to tell me some of the things they have. What is wonderful though is the opportunity to share.

Telling our story can be hard work sometimes. We all have a story though and I want to know what they want to share. My prayer list is getting longer for sure. My gratitude list is getting even longer!

I want to thank all my readers, commenters and lurkers for taking the time to share my story. I thank you for your prayers and kindness.

Love, Roseann

Rings and things

2009-05-30T06:28:00.000-07:00

I seem to be troubled with nausea again. It is hard to eat and I have to just rely on the feeding tube. I can tell I'm losing weight again because my rings are just flopping around on my finger. My engagement ring spins around like a tilt-a-whirl so I've taken it off for now.

Gary and I have decided that after his 10 days of post surgery recovery we will go to MO to see his mom. At first Gary wanted to go during the 10 days but I put the kibosh on that idea. Apparently he just lost his mind for a few hours. I can just see him loaded up on pain pills dealing with his mother. I don't think it would be pretty. She drives him crazy under the best of circumstances.

So, he's going to take a week off after the 10 time and we'll go up then. We're going to take a day trip to St Louis, or maybe an overnight if we can take advantage of our friend John, and go visit Barnes Jewish. Also, I'll get to indulge in one of my favorite junk foods, White Castle!

This is cool

2009-05-28T16:51:00.000-07:00

My former parish which will always be home to me, now offers copies of the 10:30 service on CD. I just emailed them and asked if they'd mail them to me.

In light of recent events

2009-05-27T11:01:00.000-07:00

This is worth watching again.

Love Reign O'er Me - Bettye LaVette

2009-05-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

Just calm down

2009-05-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

I don't apologize for asking for prayer for a friend. I don't apologize for deleting troll posts. I had to delete one post from a friend that had a line feeding the troll and I regret his reaction to that. Unfriending me from Facebook seems a little extreme to me over a minor thing but that is his choice.

I have apologized to Elizabeth. I was hard on her and that is not my role to play.

I have turned on the moderate comments feature to avoid any further postings from the troll. Joe, if that is your real name, I feel sorry for you and you are in my prayers.

Just to be clear, I'll ask for prayer for anyone at any time. If that bothers you please just skip the post.

p.s. I drove some today. Just a short distance but the first time in months! It was a blast!

Anonymous

2009-05-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

If you're so chicken that you can only put up anonymous comments then I just feel sorry for you. They will be deleted.

If you're so callused that prayer for someone hurting, no matter how you feel about them just makes you lash out then I just feel sorry for you.

Whoever you are, I am praying for you. Your heart is hardened and that is sad.

Prayers for my friend

2009-05-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

Please keep MP in your prayers. He is hurting.

from Crooks & Liars

2009-05-24T13:03:00.000-07:00

Change him to a nun he's still a Newt

Feeling so much better

2009-05-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

I can make coffee myself. I can shower without help. I have tons more energy.

Thanks so much for all the prayers. I feel like a miracle today.

Just stuff

2009-05-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

Willy, my favorite home health nurse came by today and I am doing much better. Getting nutrition and calories sure makes a difference. I loaned him one of my Motown box sets that covers 1959 to 1971. I know he'll enjoy it. I don't usually loan out my music but I really trust him.

I've been pretty upset about the situation over at MP's blog. I've been accused of taking sides and just because I don't think the language in those emails was okay. What those people don't know was I also had discussion with MP about forgiveness. I've been derided for my screen name. Maybe I'm not so good at Being Peace but at least it is a goal. More than one person has picked at me about that name but I can live with it. I think forgiveness is our main mission in this life. Anything else we do is for naught if we hold grudges. Jesus forgave everyone. He didn't write them a note and say let me think it over, he forgave them.

Gary Update

2009-05-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

Gary has a torn rotator cuff and will have surgery soon. He will be down for at least 10 days recovering at home and then 3 months of light duty at work. I'm very worried about both os us being down at the same time. We will need lots of help during his 10 days of recovery. Please keep him in your prayers for a successful surgery and complete recovery.

Love, R

Ponder this

2009-05-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

Forgive us our trespasses AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US.

Prayer

2009-05-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

Prayer is really a simple thing. If all I use are the words our Savior taught us I can feel an energy and connection. My focus right now is on intercessory prayer. There is so much and so many who need that energy and connection that prayer gives.

My Aunt Lila and Uncle Joe had a ministry of prayer that I can only hope to accomplish. Every day they prayed for a list of people by name. This list was 4 or 5 legal pages long. I know I was one of those they prayed for every day. Most names would come and go on their list depending upon the need. The most important thing was they did this together every day. I would join them when I could and often found myself in tears just from feeling the power of the Holy Spirit.

I pray for all of you. Sometimes, thanks to Mimi and MP I know a specific need, often I don't. I can't do much right now but I can pray for my friends. That is my job right now.

Love, R

Failure to Thrive

2009-05-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

I've been diagnosed with Geriatric Failure to Thrive. I don't think of myself as geriatric but I have all the symptoms and the hospital and doctors have made this an official diagnosis. I want you all the know that I am fighting as hard as I can to turn this around.

Love, R

About time!

2009-04-19T09:00:00.001-07:00

Apr 19th, 2009 | RALEIGH, N.C. -- Federal law prevents hospitals from revealing information on a patient, but hospital gowns occasionally allow a patient to reveal too much of themselves.

The News & Observer of Raleigh reports that a North Carolina State University design team is working to end the issue of partial disclosure.

It's not the first time someone has tried to conceal what is sometimes exposed because of the gown's flimsy fabric and loosely tied open back. But North Carolina State textile design professor Traci Lamar has the financial backing and research to develop a restyled garment that could finally be practical for hospitals across the country.

Lamar has been working on a solution since November 2006. Researchers hope to have the product ready for market in about two years.

When you come out of the desert

2009-04-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

We all spend time in the desert. We have spiritual, financial, health, family deserts and they are all lonely and hard places to be. We're never there forever. Things change, life moves, healing of different sorts occur and we always seem to find ourselves back in the garden somehow.

I've been thinking about Jesus taking the disciples to the garden during the last of their time together. He knew they were going to hit some long, hard desert time soon so he took them to a place of peace and beauty.

I feel that I've just entered the garden gate. I feel the Spirit leading me, putting people in my path for a reason, giving me hope and strength. Everyone's garden is a little different and the path to the gate is different. A week ago I could barely walk to the end of the hall and now I can move around a lot more. I can fix my own coffee. Big deal you say? Yeah it is.

When you're in the desert it feels as though you'll never get out. If you pay attention, you're out and life feels fresh again.

I love you all and you are in my prayers, Roseann

Mama bird

2009-04-16T17:43:00.000-07:00

Patricia took this picture of a mama Blue Jay who built her nest on some lights by my carport. Thought you'd all enjoy it!

Patient Packet

2009-04-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

Well, my new patient packet arrived today. I was just getting ready to open it when Gary had to leave for work. I decided not to look at it until he gets home. He remembers things better than I do and plus I'm just nervous about it. Maybe that is silly but I'll just feel better to go through it when he is with me. Have I told you what a great guy he is?

I talked to a police community crime abatement officer about my warring neighbors. I told him I had no intention of getting anyone in trouble. I asked if someone could just talk to them about their behavior and how it disturbs the neighborhood. Apparently they have people who do that sort of thing which is a great service. Sometimes a warning is enough.

Gary is off the next two days and we're going to drive down to the neighborhood park and go for a walk. I'll use my walker and sit down when I get tired. I think if I can just move a little more it will help me build up my strength. Also, some sunshine will be nice. I wish I could take the doggies but I think Gary "walking" me will be enough to handle.

You're all in my prayers and I love you, Roseann

2009-04-16T12:37:00.001-07:00

I just want to say I love Mimi.

2009-04-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

Here's a link to Barnes Jewish transplant program. I'm posting this to remind people to be an organ donor. Also, think about being a live donor for a kidney patient. Only a quarter of the people waiting on a kidney will get one this year. There is a recent study, posted on this blog, that shows live donors live normal lives and have normal life spans after surgery.

http://www.barnesjewish.org/transplant/transplant.asp

Random thoughts about today

2009-04-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

I got a phone call from a sweet friend today. She hasn't called much lately because for awhile I was just too tired to talk. On dialysis days my throat gets very dry and I'm hoarse and can't speak very well. She called at a perfect time today and it was fun to talk to her.

I've also been talking on the phone with my friend John in St Louis. It is so fun to talk to him. We haven't met F2F but I feel like we've known each other forever.

A friend from my old parish contacted me. She found my blog and read through most of it. She told me that St Pete's had been praying for me for months but she didn't know why. She offered to help any way she can. I was so moved.

I'm pretty emotional these days. I'm so excited about the prospect of going to Barnes Jewish. I have to chill on that. I was convinced I would get transplanted at UAMS so I'm working on just being calm and letting things go at their own pace instead of feeling rush, rush, rush. I also cry at the drop of a hat. West Wing is being rerun on Bravo and I record it on DVR. The episode called Two Cathedrals makes me just sob. So of course, I watch it a lot. I miss sitting in the pew and hope I can get there soon.

I just want to say I love Traci the Red. Not only does she look awesome in the Aretha hat she visits and comments a lot. I'm still laughing over the angel sin accountants.

Really I love all of you. You're in my prayers and I'm grateful for MP's prayer request updates. Knowing a specific need helps me focus. I love your pets too. Especially the dogs.

Not feeling so hot today

2009-04-13T03:48:00.000-07:00

For the last three days it has become harder to breathe again. The nurses at my dialysis center are wonderful and know what to listen for. They will probably send me for another chest xray. I'll let you know how things go.

Update: turns out things are okay just some fluid on my lungs that came off in dialysis. Major good news is I'm going to try for Barnes Jewish hospital in St Louis. My donor is cool with that too. Even better my friend John Dawid lives there and is going to be our resident angel. I feel so blessed.

Neighborhood Easter war

2009-04-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

I woke up before sunrise and was having a blessed and calm Easter morning. 2 hours later my crazy neighbors are out in the middle of the street having a full-on war. Mostly screaming and cursing and waving of sticks and bats.

Now I don't want to call, wait I DO want to call these douche bags trailer trash. This is a nice neighborhood and they need to move to a trailer park.

I had to call 911 and a patrol car came out and broke it up.

Don't mess with my peaceful Easter please!

p.s. Enjoy this giant Lego Jesus! http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090412/od_afp/swedenreligionoffbeat

Easter Miracles

2009-04-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

I haven't taken the St Jude medal off since I got it and I seem to have a little more energy every day.

My cousin Lee came over today with a prayer shawl she knitted for me. As she was getting ready to tie off the last bit of fringe she looked down at the floor and there was a sterling silver charm of the Bible so she put it on the last fringe. She has no idea where it came from and knows it is not something she bought.

Patricia came over with Easter dinner for me and Gary. Lemon-rosemary roasted chicken, roasted baby potatoes, a medley of zucchini, red and green sweet peppers.

We feel so blessed and thank all of you for your prayers and kind comments.

Love, Roseann

Beef Stew and LornaDoones

2009-04-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

I met Patricia online through MP and Mimi's blogs. I can't remember who got in touch first, I just remember being so happy to see another Arkansan. I got to meet Patricia yesterday when she brought a meal for me and Gary. Beef stew, rolls, salad, blackberry cobbler and LornaDoone cookies. Even better, she's a fellow LornaDoone fan!

We had a really great visit. We realized we know lots of the same people. Got to tell some stories and I have a new friend. How cool when a friend moves from cyber to F2F!

Thanks for everything Patricia. Gary also sends thanks and says your beef stew is one of the best he's ever tasted.

Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

2009-04-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know who wrote this, I stole, I mean borrowed it from a Facebook poster.

WARNING: Not for the sarcasm impaired.

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans

Wonderful news

2009-04-09T11:15:00.001-07:00

Apr 9th, 2009 | NEW YORK -- A New York City organ damaged on Sept. 11, 2001, will be played on Good Friday for the first time since the terrorist attacks.

The 1,680-pipe organ at St. Paul's Chapel near ground zero has undergone a complete cleaning. Two-and-a-half gallons of dirt have been removed and two bent pipes replaced.

The organ will reverberate through the chapel during a special open rehearsal Friday morning. It also will be played during two Easter morning services.

The instrument was built in 1964 by the Buffalo, N.Y., Schlicker Organ Company. It is housed in an elaborate mahogany case built in 1802.

St. Paul's Chapel is an annex of Trinity Church. It served as a place of refuge for recovery workers at the World Trade Center site.

Crooks and Liars

2009-04-09T08:51:00.001-07:00

Great blog, check it out. http://crooksandliars.com/

Dave Brubeck, one of the all time greats

2009-04-09T08:19:00.000-07:00

Apr 9th, 2009 | WILTON, Conn. -- Dave Brubeck's son says the jazz pianist and composer is looking forward to returning to the road for some shows after being hospitalized for a viral infection.

Chris Brubeck says his 88-year-old father is recovering at his Wilton, Conn., home, and hopes to be well enough to perform in a few weeks. He was released from Norwalk Hospital last week.

I actually got to hug him at the New Orleans Jazz & Heritage Fest in the '70s. A sweet and happy man who loves his fans. He played with his sons who all have major chops.

Prayers needed

2009-04-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

Gary has injured his shoulder and is in quite a bit of pain. He went to the doctor yesterday and tomorrow will have an MRI. This is a critical situation for us. If he can't work at Whole Foods we lose our insurance. He works another job as an internet programmer for a company in Austin and they haven't been able to pay him since February. This economy is sucking hard.

Please pray that he can work at least light duty. He has vacation hours built up and if he needs to rest the shoulder give him the good sense to take some time off. He is saving all his vacation time now to help me.

I hate to say it but we really need help. I wrote my priest today and asked if there are some people who will bring us meals. Frankly, the house can go to hell, I just want him to be okay. Please pray that some kind souls will help us over this hump.

It is embarrassing to admit this but I have to share the truth with you all.

Love, Roseann

Traci's cat waits at the window for her

2009-04-07T15:26:00.001-07:00

Give Peace A Chance, Please!

Now I can write

Grace

Holy Eucharist

Hey Doug

11/10 6 pm cst

Hello friends

Surgery

Biggest Asshat

What you're likely to see at a Razorback tailgate party

Church

Just stuff

I'm from Arkansas

RIP Sister Marie Knight

Is it worth discussing?

For MP Fortunate Son

One step back

The Wiener Mobile

Pat from Benton

Happy Sunday y'all

More Saturday ramblings

Random thoughts about today

Home again

You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. - Quentin Crisp

A wonderful thing

There's nothing like a silly wiener dog to cheer you up

Thank you

It is dark today

Drive Bobby McFerrin

Dialysis fun

You ate what?

Oh, honey! What's wrong?

Reefer Man

Grillades and Grits

Daily Meditation

Happy, happy, joy, joy

Jumpin' Jive

Well, it is done

Cats

Bless you my friends

Comfort food

Just rolling along

Night terrors

Thunder and rain

Broken heart

Feeling better

Update

Pain and frustration

Home Dialysis

Are you taking me home now?

Thanks everyone

Health declining

Get this book

How are things?

Gary Update

3 more weeks

M****le W**p Clarification

Hammer Pants Dance

Mayonnaise

Blackies Recipe

Magnificat King's College Choir

Gary Update

A must read

Number 200

Rings and things

This is cool

In light of recent events

Love Reign O'er Me - Bettye LaVette

Just calm down

Anonymous

Prayers for my friend

from Crooks & Liars

Feeling so much better

Just stuff

Gary Update

Ponder this

Prayer

Failure to Thrive

About time!

When you come out of the desert

M**le Wp Clarification