Saturday, February 28, 2009

I love my couch

Once again I'm on my couch with a nest of wiener dogs, a heating pad and a comforter my friend crocheted for me. Pain pills are still my friends but hopefully they will move on soon. I have a walker so I can get around. It is rather snappy with a blue metallic finish. When I'm well and can drive again I want a car like St. Sue's only in this fun shade of blue.

I am so grateful to all of you who've taken the time to pray or write notes or send a good thought my way. Over the next few weeks I'll have more tests and prepare for transplant or whatever happens next. 

Love to all, Roseann

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Dear friends

It sure is nice to be home. I've built a nice nest on my sofa with my wiener dogs and books, blankets and computer. My hip is very sore and I hobble around with my snappy new cane though I can't get very far. I ask your prayers for my husband. He has to do everything around the house plus work two jobs. 

I am so grateful to all of you for the prayers and kind words. I will write more soon. I'm just so emotional right now.

Love and blessings,
Roseann

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Just the way it is.

I really don't like my life right now. I do not make a good invalid. I am cranky, sad, bored, numb, angry, calm, sedate, patient, anxiety-ridden, happy, annoyed and all in the space of maybe 5 minutes. 

It is just a tight rope and I am walking it the best I can. Getting the call that they saw something on the mammogram they didn't like just about did it. I did not handle this news with one iota of grace. I talked to 4 family/friends and got the advice to pray and meditate. Sorry but right now I am too busy being royally pissed off at the creator. Smite me o mighty smiter! And I swear to God if another person tells me the God won't give me more than I can handle, I will just never speak to them again. Seriously, lay off telling me to rely on God and pray, okay? The thing is God and I get along just fine. I'm just slouching towards Bethlehem and I do that imperfectly. I have moments when I feel as close as you can and moments when I am just not there with it at all.

I wish I was brave. I wish I was fearless. I wish I was well.