Once again I'm on my couch with a nest of wiener dogs, a heating pad and a comforter my friend crocheted for me. Pain pills are still my friends but hopefully they will move on soon. I have a walker so I can get around. It is rather snappy with a blue metallic finish. When I'm well and can drive again I want a car like St. Sue's only in this fun shade of blue.
I am so grateful to all of you who've taken the time to pray or write notes or send a good thought my way. Over the next few weeks I'll have more tests and prepare for transplant or whatever happens next.
It sure is nice to be home. I've built a nice nest on my sofa with my wiener dogs and books, blankets and computer. My hip is very sore and I hobble around with my snappy new cane though I can't get very far. I ask your prayers for my husband. He has to do everything around the house plus work two jobs.
I am so grateful to all of you for the prayers and kind words. I will write more soon. I'm just so emotional right now.
I really don't like my life right now. I do not make a good invalid. I am cranky, sad, bored, numb, angry, calm, sedate, patient, anxiety-ridden, happy, annoyed and all in the space of maybe 5 minutes.
It is just a tight rope and I am walking it the best I can. Getting the call that they saw something on the mammogram they didn't like just about did it. I did not handle this news with one iota of grace. I talked to 4 family/friends and got the advice to pray and meditate. Sorry but right now I am too busy being royally pissed off at the creator. Smite me o mighty smiter! And I swear to God if another person tells me the God won't give me more than I can handle, I will just never speak to them again. Seriously, lay off telling me to rely on God and pray, okay? The thing is God and I get along just fine. I'm just slouching towards Bethlehem and I do that imperfectly. I have moments when I feel as close as you can and moments when I am just not there with it at all.
I wish I was brave. I wish I was fearless. I wish I was well.
I'm waiting for a kidney transplant. I have some great friends who've volunteered to give me a kidney and hopefully one of them will be a match. If you'd like to be a kidney donor for me please let me know. All it takes is a simple blood test and a kind heart to get started.
Please consider giving a kidney to someone. I'm luck to have a few people lined up for testing. There are lots of people who have been on dialysis for years that need a donor. Be a hero. Give a kidney.