Saturday, July 11, 2009

Pain and frustration

Friends, I know this journey of mine is a boring tale. It bores me for sure. It has been almost 2 years since I got so sick and during that time it has been more ups and downs than a roller coaster. I try not to give in to self pity and I try almost every day to be positive and work at wellness. I say almost every day because some days I stay in bed with the covers over my head and whine and cry and ask God why me over and over.

There is something that happens often that I want to share. When I am most afraid, frustrated and in pain, at some point I am overwhelmed with peace. I have these moments of grace that keep me going one more day. Sometimes it is minute by minute. I know there are people who pray for me and I believe those prayers overflow in those moments of grace.

I'm not getting better. Physically I don't believe I will heal. Each week seems to bring a new break down of some sort in my body. To be honest, I am ready to shed this flesh. I will when I will though.

3 comments:

Wormwood's Doxy said...

It is not a boring tale, Roseann--just a hard and sad one for you, and for those of us who have grown to love and care about you through this weird thing called the blogosphere.

Prayers continue. May the Holy Spirit lead you to the healing and peace you need, whatever that looks like--and may you continue to know that you are surrounded by prayers and grace.

Pax,
Doxy

Paul said...

You are a shining light and light is something the darkness never overcomes.

I agree with every word from Doxy and those are my prayers for you also. Roseann.

susankay said...

Yes - not at all boring and one devoutly hopes not really sad. I haven't been engaged in maybe dieing -- I have been engaged in mourning. I think that all will be well and all manner of things will be well. But, at the moment, it seems you will know about this before I do. Blessings be.