Saturday, July 25, 2009

Just rolling along

I spend about 6 hours each day connected to a feeding tube. Boring? There are no words for how boring it is! I find ways to stay mentally stimulated. Coloring mandalas helps me so much. My mind empties of all the worries and I feel the Holy Spirit guiding me and comforting me. I read a lot. Some trash novels... a little mind candy never hurt anyone. I'm also reading Jane Redmont's book which I highly recommend to everyone. I pray for everyone on the MP prayer list and for my family and friends. I play goofy games on Facebook. Sometimes I watch TV. I love Deadliest Catch and Whale Wars. Last night I watched a show about Robert Louis Stevenson and how he researched Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Then I watched a bizarre show about vampires and these pitiful people who think they really are vampires.

I'm having trouble with my arms again. The blood flow in my upper body is inadequate because of the dialysis catheter. Sometimes they hurt so bad that I have to take a pain pill. I don't like being in a drug fog so I tough it out as much as I can.

Yesterday I managed to make a yummy pot roast with vegetables. When Gary got home from work the house was filled with delicious cooking smells and that made him so happy. Making him happy is high on my list of things to do. I'm gaining more energy because I'm getting more nutrition so I do what I can to help. I'm able to help with laundry now, folding and hanging. Just being able to do that little bit to help him makes us both feel good.

I've decided to transfer my membership to my old home parish. It is 30 miles away and who knows when I'll be able to get there. I feel so abandoned by my current parish. Not one clergy has called, emailed or visited much less bring me communion. It is a bad fit for me so it is time to make a move.

I love you all and you're in my prayers.

Love, Roseann


suzanne said...

I'm glad you're transferring you membership back to your home parish. I simply can't believe the current church has behaved so badly. I hope they learn a lesson from this; but as we all know, hope springs eternal...

Your blog was uplifting, and I'm grateful to God you are doing better.

--sheila-- said...

It sounds to me as if you're making a good decision about your membership. I hope that you will find your old parish a lot more friendly.

Glad you are at home: the RL Stevenson program sounds worth trying to watch.

Sometimes when I just can't read or blog anymore I do jigsaw puzzles online. A good selection is at Don't worry about the time it takes, especially with your arms hurting. I listen to my ipod while I do them and have fun with my chosen configuration (you can chose how many pieces you want and their shapes). There are some lovely pictures to work on there.

Will continue to pray for you!

Mary said...

Blessings to you! I've been praying for you and following your news through Mad Priest's blog. Wish I were close enough to visit. I'm praying that you will get more support in your home parish.

Jim said...

We are still praying for you in Chicago.

As tough as things are, it is nice that you were able to cook a bit and also to do some simple chores. It is amazing isn't it how much those things matter?

When Sue-z was in renal failure last week (thank God no longer) one of the things we learned is that 25%(!) of the heart's flow goes to the kidneys in a healthy person. Messing with that has to be major.

I wonder if you should not send a note to the parish you are leaving saying why. They deserve the slap upside the head as New Yorkers say it.


Grandmère Mimi said...

Roseann, I can't believe that your present parish has abandoned you. What kind of Christian community is that? It was an excellent idea to transfer back to your old parish.

I could smell your pot roast with vegetables. It made my mouth water this early in the morning. I know what a feeling of satisfaction doing even small things can give you. I like to be as independent as possible, too.

Love, prayers, and blessings to you and Gary.

kitty said...

Roseann, I'm with Grandmère. I could just smell the pot roast and it was lovely! (SO much nicer than the smell of the cat food I just put down for the furkids).

I hope your old parish does a better job of pastoral care than the more recent one. Unfortunately, I think it happens all too frequently in a lot of parishes. I think your story should be read to every parish congregation as a tale of how NOT to do church.

Thanks for being an inspiration, Roaseann. God bless.

Saintly Ramblings said...

Forgive me for asking the blooming obvious, but as a CofE priest I have been on the receiving end of people saying that the church didn't care about them in their recent illness/hospitalisation ... does the local priest actually know your story, or is it assumed that they do? Has he (she?) been properly asked to bring you communion or is it assumed that they would?

Not getting at you, as you have enough to deal with, and if the answer to both of these is "yes", then fly away to your old home parish with all God speed. But just in case the answer is "no", or "perhaps not", it was worth the asking.

Keeping you and your long battle in my prayers. May God's blessing be with you and yours.

Being Peace said...

Saintly Ramblings don't feel bad about asking it is a good question. I don't make assumptions about what I need from my church. I have called and emailed and asked for communion but I seem to always fall through the cracks somehow. When I was a healthy person I was deeply involved in ministry. I set up a foodbank, I was a lay reader and lay eucharistic visitor, I cooked and delivered meals to our shut ins. I believe that lay people should be very involved in pastoral care. None of that is happening at my current parish. The deacon in charge of LEMs knows me and my situation very well but it just doesn't seem to matter to her.

I am with you that people need to let you know what they need and if they are in a bad way.

Ellie Finlay said...

What on earth is wrong with your parish? I am so bewildered by this kind of behavior. It's just beyond belief.

I lit a candle at home just for you a short while ago. I have the enormous privilege of having a little room set aside as an oratory in my home. The candle is in there - before two icons - one of the Trinity and another of Our Lady.

susankay said...

Roseann -- I posted over at MP's about a similar experience my mother had. I won't repeat it here, in part because I realize that it was about as much about my pain as my mother's. It still feels as if we were both abandoned.

Blessings be.

Paul said...

Roseann, It is nice to hear of things you find you can do and I am sure that is satisfying. Your mention of the smell of roast when Gary came home vividly carried many of us to remembered homecomings and that heavenly smell. May you continue to get more nourishment.

So sorry to hear of the pain. When I read all the energetic bloodlust in your pirate and mafia games at FB it is hard to remember what you are going through. Glad you have that outlet. Know that you and Gary are frequently in my prayers.

terri c said...

SO glad for cooking and laundry folding. I know how precious things can seem when they are "recovered" after having to be set aside. Yummy pot roast! I am sorry your churh has been so neglectful; it does seem that when one who was very active becomes ill it is easy for "friends" to drop away--but church, one would hope, can do better. Prayers to you all and enjoy your delicious meal!

Bad Alice said...

I am so sorry to hear this about your church. What terrible behavior and what a loss for them. I'm glad you have been able to do some everyday activities that have brought delight. I will keep you in my prayers.

susan s. said...

Roseann, I went to the healing minister today at church to say prayers for you and all other folks on everyone's prayer list. It is for me the most direct way to connect with you. I was anointed with holy oil and we both prayed. I am glad that you could make the pot roast. I can smell it too! Folding laundry can be a very satisfying set of movements. My favorite folding is towels. Making piles of hand towels, washcloths, and bath towels satisfies my OCD tendencies.
Like Paul, I see that you are playing the games on FaceBook. I love it when I see you give someone the business for not playing by the rules.
Good for you for going back to your old church. It seems the right thing for you to do.