Thursday, January 8, 2009

So, how are you?

I wake up in a whole new world everyday. Right now I'm in pain. Something hurts in my mid-section. I can't take a deep breath and eating is very difficult. I'm having an endoscopy next week, maybe we'll get some answers, who knows. In the mean time I have to deal with pain. I can take pain meds and be mental jello or I can be in pain. 

One choice here. Pain or Messed up. Most days I have to choose messed up. It is not my favorite life.

There is no progress to report. One of my volunteer donors will be tested Tuesday. I see the transplant shrink on the 26th. 

Gary and I both don't know what to say to anyone anymore. It is just so awful when your life is sucking day in and day out. So if you ask us how we are and we say, "fine" it isn't that we don't want to talk to you and tell you how things really are it just takes so damn long and we're so tired of telling the story again and again and not being able to see a happy ending. 

We're coping. We're in uncharted territory and sometimes we don't know how to act.

We love you though. We really do and we're so grateful for the prayers and love.

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