Sunday, August 31, 2008

Isn't it ironic, don't ya know...a little too ironic

You might have heard about Stuart Shepard, the director of digital media at “Focus Action”, the political arm of Focus on the Family. He wrote and starred in “Pray for Rain” which was allegedly just a joke. He called for "rain of biblical proportions" to drown out Obama's acceptance speech. But it was all in fun you know, just a big joke, they wouldn't really pray for that to happen. nudge, nudge, wink, wink!

And look what happened today: Aug 31st, 2008 | ST. PAUL, Minn. -- President Bush, Vice President Cheney and prominent governors decided on Sunday to skip the Republican National Convention, and the party considered shortening its big four-day event as Hurricane Gustav approached the Gulf Coast with potentially devastating strength.

My prayer is that the hurricane doesn't hit our Gulf states, that it dissipates or turns back out to sea.

I have to admit though that the irony is killing me.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Judging and all that

I called brother and apologized for judging him and nephew and hurting brother's feelings. I haven't spoken to nephew. It is not worth it to me to have hard feelings. Brother and I are on opposite ends of the political spectrum but we love and care for each other and that is what matters. I asked him to promise me that if someway, somehow Pat Robertson became king of the world and tried to put me and my friends in a concentration camp that he would hide us. He made that promise and said he would fight along side us. I sounds like a ridiculous extreme. Part of my thinking process is to look at an issue, situation or behavior and see where it could go if left unchecked. Does it lead to the highest good for all or does it lead to fear and death?

If it ain't love, it ain't God.

Friday, August 29, 2008

So what's it like?

People are asking what is dialysis like so I will give you my take on it. The nurses and techs are wonderful, caring and kind. The catheter in my jugular vein is still pretty sore and tender so they are as gentle as they can be when hooking me up to the machine.

It is noisy and there is no privacy. You're in a big room with lots of other people hooked up to machines that beep and boop. TVs (which I can do without) are everywhere. Most disconcerting to me is people are everywhere. The guy directly across from me chewed gum with his mouth open for 3 solid hours. Call me picky, but I just don't want to see that. So I arrange myself in a way that I don't see TVs or people. I just put on my iPod and create my own space.

I don't feel anything other than some pressure on the catheter. Mostly I feel like I want to go home!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I smell smoke

Am I burning bridges with my brother and nephew? Did I strike the match? Was there a bridge there to burn?

I don't know. My brother thinks I should love and support his children no matter what. Love them, yes...I do and will. Support anything they choose? Support a decision to align with the Taliban of America? No. I can't and won't.

So where does that leave me? My spiritual mentor would say, "love them out of it." My understanding of ACIM says, "forgive them, it isn't real anyway." My heart says, "love them and stay true to yourself."

I feel like my own little personal drama that is reflected on a much larger scale in the Episcopal Church is a big life lesson for me. How do I love in this situation? What is the loving thing to do?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

What??? No more cake???

Argh! Now I have to be on a dialysis diet. No more coconut cake. No nuts of any kind. And get this...I have to eat white bread. WTF? I need to talk to the nutritionist.

Things I learned in the first dialysis session. Dress warmly. Like Eskimo warmly. That place is cold! Reading will not happen...there are TVs everywhere and machines that beep and boop and people running around. Way too distracting for reading. iPod is a life saver. People get used to it and most everyone there slept through their treatment.

When loved ones go wrong

I recently found out that my nephew is now attending Regents University law school. When my brother gave me this bit of news I was speechless. All I could say was, "oh no!" Brother is thrilled though. I can accept my brother and his family are conservative and Republican and fundamentalist. I don't like it, but I can deal with it. Lining up with Pat Robertson is off the rails though and I am having a very, very hard time getting my head around it.

Pat Robertson! The guy who said Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon, who suffered a massive stroke, was stricken by God as punishment for ceding the Gaza Strip and a portion of the West Bank to Palestinians. Yeah...Pat Robertson, who also said, "the feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

Pat Robertson...the guy who would round up me and my friends and put us in concentration camps if he could.

I want to vomit. I want to scream. I love my brother. I feel lost.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

At least I have cake

I get to eat all the coconut cake I want. I've become a fiend for Pepperidge Farms coconut cake. I'm pretty sure it is what angels eat for breakfast. One day something will taste great, the next day not so much. Coconut cake...good every day!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Good news

I just got some good news. My kidney transplant evaluation has been moved up to this coming Wednesday. My husband and I will spend the entire day at the Univ. of Arkansas Medical Center meeting with the surgeons, nurses, social workers, financial people, parking attendants, janitorial staff, weird guy who hangs out in the hospital lobby. Should be interesting.

My top 5 downloads

  1. Anderson Cooper 360. Okay, he is one of my secret TV boyfriends but this is a good show. And really...could he be more handsome?
  2. This American Life
  3. Talk of the Nation
  4. The Onion Daily News
  5. The Moth

Sunday, August 17, 2008

How things are going...

I applied for SSI disability (you know, all the money I paid into FICA for all those years) and I've been turned down twice. I hired an attny and filed for an appeal about 18 months ago. So finally I get a hearing but it is in Dallas and I am too ill to travel. I informed the local SSI office in Little Rock 8 months ago that I was now living in Arkansas but apparently that information got filed in the ether somewhere. I was going to try to go to Dallas but I just can not do it. Prayers for a quick resolution and move to Little Rock would be appreciated.

My friend Els came today and cleaned my floors for me. That is just a wonderful gift and I am so grateful. I am hoping that my nephrologist will get me set up with some home help service this week. DH is working two jobs and I am just too weak to do what needs to be done around the house. I've always been a helper but now I'm the one who needs help. Very frustrating.